Things We Lost
by Timetodance0110
Summary: Remus has, once again, lost everything that he has worked so hard for. His work, a place to live. All because of who he is. But there is one thing he may still have. Something, or rather, someone, who has found its way back to him, after twelve long years.


Remus can feel his beart beat out of his chest, as he watches 12 Grimmauld Place appear in front of him. Coming here had seemed like a good idea, the best idea, actually. But now that he is actually here, about to knock on the door, it doesn't seem like such a good idea anymore. Because what will he say?

As he knocks on the door, he considers turning around. Leave and don't look back. But before he can turn, the door opens, and his legs feel like they are about to give out. Because there he is, the man he used to call his best friend, once upon a time. It feels like a lifetime ago.

"Remus?" Sirius asks, looking confused. "What are you doing here? What is wrong? Did Harry get hurt?"

"No," Remus quickly says, and he can't help but smile. "Harry is still at Hogwarts. I…"

"What?" Sirius asks, when Remus doesn't finish his sentence. "Please, come in. You look terrible. What happened?" Sirius continues, as he reaches out his arm. Remus still wants to turn and leave, but he takes a deep breath, and enters the house. It has been so many years since he has been here, but he recognises the cold, dark feeling right away. "What happened?" Sirius repeats, as he closes the door behind Remus, and he puts a hand on Remus' back, leading him through the hallway, towards the kitchen. The portrait of his mother is crying out something about half-breeds, but her voice is muffled by the thick dark curtain, so they ignore it, and continue on, into the damp, dark kitchen.

"Sirius, I…," Remus tries again, but the words are failing him.

"Twelve years, huh?" Sirius then tries, a small smile on his face. He can see the guilt in Remus' eyes, and it breaks his heart to see it.

"I should have never believed those lies."

"I would have believed them too. What happened…"

"I should have known you wouldn't have betrayed James and Lily, you…," Remus tries, but Sirius stops him by raising his hand.

"Don't. You have done nothing wrong. You are here now, are you not?" he asks, but Remus looks down at his hands, a guilty look on his face. "What? Is something wrong?"

"After people found about my… condition, I left Hogwarts," Remus explains, "But word had spread, and when I got home to where I had been staying, well…"

"What did they do?" Sirius asks, his voice filled with anger.

"I was told that there was no room there for creatures like me," Remus admits, still looking down at his hands. But when Sirius' hand appears on his, he looks up, only to see Sirius staring at him, with a kind, understanding look on his face.

"You will always have a place here, Remus. And what they said… how can people still think like that? Have we still not moved on from that?" Sirius asks, his hand still on Remus' hands. A long silence follows, until Kreacher comes into the kitchen, and finds them sitting at the kitchen table.

"Filthy half-breeds, if only my missus could see this, if she…"

"That's enough, Kreacher, leave!" Sirius snaps, and for just a second, Kreacher keeps quiet. But then he turns back around, muttering the foulest things to himself again, about Remus. "I am so sorry about him."

"I'm used to worse," Remus says, trying to make a joke, but Sirius can tell that it's more than that. He truly is used to worse, only because of his condition.

"I so wish I could have been here for you, these last twelve years," Sirius says, as he gets up, and goes over to the sink. He takes a deep breath, and stares down at it, shaking his head. Being locked away at Azkaban, it had been terrible. Truly. But not just because he had lost his freedom, or because the world thought he had betrayed his friends, leading to their death. It had been horrible because he had missed out on life. He had missed out on Harry growing up. He hadn't been there for Remus when he had lost his best friends, when he had needed a friend most.

"I've missed you," Remus says, and Sirius turns around. He flashes a smile, but it is one of the saddest smiles that Remus has ever seen.

* * *

It's been weeks since Remus has moved in with Sirius, and although they have caught up about the last years, and they talk for hours and hours on end, there is still so much being left unsaid. Remus has just come back home, and he had wanted to go and prepare lunch. But he had found Kreacher in the kitchen, muttering to himself about half-breeds again. So he had gone upstairs, avoiding hearing his insults again.

"Remus, is that you?" Sirius asks, as Remus walks by one of the rooms. Remus enters it, and finds Sirius sitting on the floor, his back against the wall, while Buckbeak is sleeping in the corner of the room.

"What are you doing?"

"Thinking," Sirius says, and he pats the space next to him on the floor. Remus sits down next to him, and when he looks at the magnificent creature, so peacefully asleep, he can't help but smile. "Remus?"

"Yes?"

"Do you remember what you asked me, all those years ago?" Sirius asks, his eyes intense and focussed. Remus had asked him so many things. They had been best friends, and they had spent most of their time together. So a hundred things run through Remus' mind. But there is one thing that stands out. A question he had asked him, only days before that faithful night that had torn their lives apart.

"I asked you out."

"You did." The intense look on Sirius' face turns into a shy smile, matching the one on Remus' face. "We never did get to go on that date."

"No, we did not." A long silence follows, where both men look out at Buckbeak, who is still asleep. So beautiful. So peaceful. But then Sirius breaks the silence, making Remus look at him.

"I never stopped loving you, Remus."

"I…"

"I am still, after all these years, so in love with you… it's a feeling they could not take away from me. They tried, they truly did. But this…," Sirius continues, as he puts a hand on his chest. "This feeling has only ever grown stronger. And when I saw you again, I…," he continues, but Remus stops him. "I do apologise, I should not have said anything."

"That's not why I stopped you," Remus says, a smile still on his face. "I love you too."

"You do?" Sirius asks, and Remus nods, feeling very shy all of the sudden. But before he can say another word, Sirius has put a hand on the side of his face. He closes his eyes, and presses his lips against Remus'. This is what he had been wanting to do ever since the day he had met him. This is what they had both wanted. This is what was going to happen. This was going to be their future. But then it was all torn apart, and they had lost their chance.

* * *

"I'm scared," Remus confesses, when they are in bed later that day. Sirius is sitting behind him, gently kissing his neck, his shoulders.

"Scared of what?"

"This is going to kill us, isn't it?" Remus us, as he looks behind him, to face Sirius, who has a serious look on his face. "This war… this…"

"I fear it will," Sirius admits, and Remus looks back. He stares ahead, facing the dark wall, when an intense sadness hits him. "I often wondered if perhaps… we could live together, the two of us, and perhaps Harry would come and live with us one day… We could be a family. Perhaps we would have children of our own," Sirius confesses, and Remus can feel the tears stinging in his eyes. "We would have been happy, wouldn't we?"

"Yes." Is all Remus can say, before a tear rolls down his face. "We would have been happy."

* * *

Thanks for reading! I'm thinking about turning this (which was just a little one-shot), into a longer story. Let me know what you think!


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